Sitting on a plane to Pune to attend a Drupal Camp that we have co-sponsored and on its sidelines to conduct interviews for a couple of Scrum Master positions, there is a gentle anxiety that I am sensing.
How casually we booked my and another colleague’s tickets couple of days earlier — and therefore at high prices; something I would have planned for weeks in advance to keep costs low some years ago.
Srijan is growing. Quite rapidly. Things have been looking up for a few years now. Our people have stuck with us. Our clients have patronised us and trusted us. And in spite of couple of top management exists we’ve done well. Our salaries have never been better, our sales projections are healthy, our profits are good, some good people have joined us — our delivery team is getting better & stronger, we have solid top coaches guiding, mentoring and enabling us, and finally most of our clients are happy.
For all this I am completely in gratitude. Gratitude for the ‘unseen force’ making this happen — people, projects, situations, opportunities — which showed up just at the right time. Gratitude to my Guru for the gift of meditativeness, which He gifted; which I believe has helped me get into greater balance and clarity, with over 4 years of daily practice, than I have ever known for myself. Gratitude for the belief and faith Avie and Darshan — our Agile and business coach respectively — showed in me during several lows during the last year; their unfailing commitment to help Srijan for reasons they only best know. Gratitude for several of my old employees who have stuck along for years of pain, pressure and sacrifice pursuing along with me a hazy vision of making Srijan a great company.
Overwhelmed, with wet eyes, I know way too much could have gone the other way, in spite of our hard work & perseverance. I constantly remind myself that I have, and continue to receive, way more than I am capable of.
I guess I need to put my anxiety at rest. Push the load that seems to be piling on my shoulders back on the Universe. And keep doing the small things that must be done, egged on by an insatiable desire to excel for my own self, for the sake of this wonderful ancient nation & its people, and the urge to live in a better world.